50 Year Old Man Does the Splits

An image that will forever be etched in my mind is of a 50 year old man in extremely tight, red skinny jeans, a faux leather fringe jacket, 1970s embroidered shirt and red converse—could it be a better case for the fashion police? Our program paid for us to attend a pop/rock concert, which we turned out to be basically the only spectators in a very nice concert auditorium—maybe 10 other people?

The first act was of the pop genre, a band of 5 brothers, reminded me of Portlandy music—somewhat melancholy, indie influence, etc. The second band really got us going…two middle aged men who really should have stayed in their glory decade of the 1970s/1980s, along with some obliged younger friends so they could have a drummer and a bass guitarist (they did have some talent). A good portion of their songs were in English, but what astounded us (beyond their hideous fashion choices, which included a Canadian tuxedo), was their use of “mother f*********,” which was appalling, yet at the same time curious because I am almost sure that they had no idea of the gravity their words meant to an American audience.

We proceeded to humor their pitiful and lively performance by making a mosh pit (keep imagining an empty theater), he climbed on our seats, broke an armrest, did wannabe splits midair, flirted with us and even rolled on the ground while playing his electric guitar—he was REALLY cool. He thought that our laughter and howls came from our enjoyment, what he did not realize was that they actually were brought forth by his ridiculous performance by which I am forever scarred, and will forever bring a smile to my face. (My photos are on my phone, which I will upload soon because they are PRICELESS).